"What do you think? There was a man who had two sons. He went to the first and said, 'Son, go and work today in the vineyard.'
" 'I will not,' he answered, but later he changed his mind and went.
"Then the father went to the other son and said the same thing. He answered, 'I will, sir,' but he did not go.
"Which of the two did what his father wanted?"
"The first," they answered.
Jesus said to them, "I tell you the truth, the tax collectors and the prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God ahead of you. For John came to you to show you the way of righteousness, and you did not believe him, but the tax collectors and the prostitutes did. And even after you saw this, you did not repent and believe him. Matthew 21:28-32
In the last post we just considered the first part of this passage. The father in the parable could have made a judgment right after the second son said he would go to the field. After all, the first son was defiant and the second son was respectful. It would seem clear – the first son could be expected to defy his father and the second son could be expected to follow through and honor his father. But as the parable continues, just the opposite actually happened. The expectations formed after the initial encounters turned out to be flawed. This is an important lesson to learn in shepherding teenagers. As parents, it is your natural tendency treat your teenagers the way the hypocritical religious leaders in Matthew 21 treated those under their care.
Jesus is talking to the religious establishment of his day in this chapter. These leaders should have recognized the Jesus they saw living before them. However, they expected a different Jesus. They expected a messiah who would meet their standards and honor them in their hypocrisy. They assumed they would be respected as leaders, that Jesus would acknowledge their wisdom and applaud their lifestyle. Instead he did just the opposite. The response of wisdom and humility for the chief priests and elders would have been to question their expectations and see if perhaps their understanding of righteous behavior was flawed. But no, they continued in the same stubborn direction. So, Jesus tells them two parables to illustrate their weakness. Sadly and predictably, the establishment crowd continued in their ways, and after hearing the second parable they began to look for ways to arrest him.
So, how does this connect to parenting teenagers? The point of stopping where I did in the last post was to help gain some understanding of the impact of the narrative on those who heard it. I can imagine that Jesus might well have paused for effect right after the second son said he would go. The phrase “I will, sir,” could have been left hanging just for a moment, before Christ dropped the other shoe. Think about the responses of those listening to Jesus. Well, at least one son did the right thing. He honored his father The first son was a disappointment. The second son, however, was a son to be proud of. He was respectful and eager to please. Perhaps these thoughts were dancing in the minds of the authority bunch. Then Jesus says, "…but he did not go." By viewing this interchange as if we were there it becomes a powerful illustration. Now, Jesus asks, which of these two did what the father wanted? Was it the respectful son who gave the man-pleasing answer or was it the son with the attitude problem? Reluctantly they had to answer: the first son.
Then Jesus drives his point home. The leaders did not expect anything good from the tax collectors and prostitutes. These were people who did not meet the expectations of God's law. They clearly did things that were inappropriate. So, instead of loving them and faithfully calling them to honor God, the leaders contemptuously wrote them off. But their expectations were very wrong. Their problem was they did not expect God to work.
Okay, let’s pause the narrative again. Take some time to think about how this parable has implications for dealing with teenagers who may not meet the expectations that we as parents have set for them. I am drawing this out so that we can consider how our own expectations may be affecting our relationships with our teenagers.
2 thoughts on “Forming Biblical Expectations”
Jay, this was such an incredibly helpful post for us. The kids really struggle with this as they have friends who sort of fit the model of perfectly polished in public and at church but out drinking at night. This reminded them that Jesus was well aware of this and they need not be worried that He is unaware. IT was sort of an “OK, now you need to let that go and YOU follow Me!” experience that helped them refocus on their relationship with Christ. Thanks so much. We are all awaiting eagerly the next part.
Tedd,
First I wanted to thank you for your blog site and tell you how much I rely on it when I’m faced with a parenting question in which I do not have an answer.
Which leads me to ask this…
My son (8) is struggling with being scared at night. He doesn’t feel safe unless me or my husband is in the room with him. I’m unsure as to what has made him scared or fearful. He has a keen spiritual sense and I expect him to grow into some of the same gifts that I have. I have always had a keener sense than some of the spiritual realm. I remember lots of nightmares as a child, lots of good vs evil in my dreams. I understand them now as an adult as I have grown into my gifts but remember them scaring me as a child.
I have prayed with my child, taught him how to pray, and dwell on the truth of who he is in Christ. I’ve let him know that he is normal, all of us have questions. I think he really wants to know that God is real. I pray for God to reveal himself to him each day in a way that will speak directly to his heart and his questions.
He asked Jesus into his heart about 2 years ago and we’ve discussed salvation and it’s importance many times since. God is quick to convict him of sin and his confessions are always heartfelt and painful for him. He knows when he has chosen poorly.
I tell you all this to ask for your help or perhaps direction towards one of your blog entries that may deal with a child’s fears and how to best address them. I do not know what has caused him to feel unsafe. We are seeking Godly counsel from a professional to help us better understand how to help our child. We plan on taking him to the same counselor and allowing him time to talk with him.
I have felt this to be a spiritual attack from the beginning and am asking God to show me the root of the issue. There seems to be something I am missing.
Any help you can give to us is appreciated. There have been no major changes at home (we are a homeschooling family of 6). We are job hunting at present. My husband is still employed and God has and is taking care of us financially. I know that has it’s possibilities where stress is concerned.
You may contact me directly if you would like.
IN HIM alone,
Julie